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Here is one story retold, albeit with a pithier ending:

From Nomackin Here:

How To Be Smooth Like Sandpaper

What happened: One evening, while grabbing a quick dinner at a fast food joint near university, I ran into a girl that I had a big crush on, and her roommate. I joined them, and we all ate dinner together. Afterwards, the roommate left to go somewhere, and I was left standing alone with the girl of my dreams. She looked up at me and asked, "so, what are YOU doing tonight?"

What I said: I had some studying to do, so I blurted out, "Oh, I don't know...probably homework."

What I SHOULD have said: "You."

on the stairs

L'esprit d'escalier

The French call it l'esprit d'escalier, "the wit of the staircase," those biting ripostes that are thought of just seconds too late, on the way out of the room-or even, to tell the truth, days later. It's happened to you: you've suddenly thought of just what would put your foe in his or her place, but past the time when the arrow could sting its victim. You've stewed in your own juice ever since, and the chance for singeing repartee is gone forever.

Or is it?

Dorothy Parker or Oscar Wilde may have had the rapier wit to tweak their tormentors on the spot, but for the rest of us, we offer the Internet's only L'esprit d'escalier web site!