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Here is one story retold, albeit with a pithier ending:

From Puncherdown!:

Evil costume

What happened: It was nutcracker dress rehearsal and it was almost time for me to frolick onto stage but the costume i was supposed to wear was only fit to the person i shared the part with! She, of course, was much skinnier than i. I had to baisically hold the costume on to me while i danced because the zipper would not close. When i got off stage, the girl who i shared the part with said "Oh sorry, i guess im just SO MUCH skinnier than you!"

What I said: I replyed with a half-assed laugh and said something probably along the lines of "I guess so".

What I SHOULD have said: Nothing, i should have socked her one in the face!

on the stairs

L'esprit d'escalier

The French call it l'esprit d'escalier, "the wit of the staircase," those biting ripostes that are thought of just seconds too late, on the way out of the room-or even, to tell the truth, days later. It's happened to you: you've suddenly thought of just what would put your foe in his or her place, but past the time when the arrow could sting its victim. You've stewed in your own juice ever since, and the chance for singeing repartee is gone forever.

Or is it?

Dorothy Parker or Oscar Wilde may have had the rapier wit to tweak their tormentors on the spot, but for the rest of us, we offer the Internet's only L'esprit d'escalier web site!