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Here is one story retold, albeit with a pithier ending:

From Ace:


What happened: There was this guy harassing me at the beach. He was being a total dick. Calling me gay and everything. So then I realize that hes staring at me. So I look at him and I say "why are you staring at me?" and he says "cuz you're gay."

What I said: "no im not" ((wtf???))

What I SHOULD have said: "sorry, I'm taken"

on the stairs

L'esprit d'escalier

The French call it l'esprit d'escalier, "the wit of the staircase," those biting ripostes that are thought of just seconds too late, on the way out of the room-or even, to tell the truth, days later. It's happened to you: you've suddenly thought of just what would put your foe in his or her place, but past the time when the arrow could sting its victim. You've stewed in your own juice ever since, and the chance for singeing repartee is gone forever.

Or is it?

Dorothy Parker or Oscar Wilde may have had the rapier wit to tweak their tormentors on the spot, but for the rest of us, we offer the Internet's only L'esprit d'escalier web site!