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Here is one story retold, albeit with a pithier ending:

From princessr:

Here have some pizza

What happened: I had terrible acne at school and was very self conscious about it and one day I was riding home from school on the bus when I was in Grade 8 when the school "bully" turned around and said: "I see you own a pizza parlour!"

What I said: Uh?

What I SHOULD have said: Yes, at least I get free pizza and you don't

on the stairs

L'esprit d'escalier

The French call it l'esprit d'escalier, "the wit of the staircase," those biting ripostes that are thought of just seconds too late, on the way out of the room-or even, to tell the truth, days later. It's happened to you: you've suddenly thought of just what would put your foe in his or her place, but past the time when the arrow could sting its victim. You've stewed in your own juice ever since, and the chance for singeing repartee is gone forever.

Or is it?

Dorothy Parker or Oscar Wilde may have had the rapier wit to tweak their tormentors on the spot, but for the rest of us, we offer the Internet's only L'esprit d'escalier web site!