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Here is one story retold, albeit with a pithier ending:

From Fee Fee:

Checkout blues

What happened: I was doing my grocery shopping, and when going through the till the horrid woman was eyeballing me and my jacket. The jacket is a bit puffy, but it was a cold day, and i'm originally from the south and was fookin freezing. She glares at me suspiciiously then calls over the security who take me intoa side room, here i am told to empty my pockets and prove i have not stolen anything. How embarassing and awful to be stared at and accused.

What I said: i didn't really say much - just followed the guard, got stared at and kinda went red

What I SHOULD have said: i should have stood my ground and explained that i wanted the manager present rght there at the till. I wish i had said: "When i'm proven innocent i want an apology straight from the HORSE's MOUTH.... and i want one from the manager too" (!) I then should have gone onto do a fancy strip tease-coat-removal singing that famous tune we all know so well. I wish i could of done all this and then demanded some free sh*t.

on the stairs

L'esprit d'escalier

The French call it l'esprit d'escalier, "the wit of the staircase," those biting ripostes that are thought of just seconds too late, on the way out of the room-or even, to tell the truth, days later. It's happened to you: you've suddenly thought of just what would put your foe in his or her place, but past the time when the arrow could sting its victim. You've stewed in your own juice ever since, and the chance for singeing repartee is gone forever.

Or is it?

Dorothy Parker or Oscar Wilde may have had the rapier wit to tweak their tormentors on the spot, but for the rest of us, we offer the Internet's only L'esprit d'escalier web site!