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Here is one story retold, albeit with a pithier ending:

From David:

What did YOU get?

What happened: I had just had my history coursework handed back to me marked, I was very proud, I ahd gotten an A, I turned around, all happy with myself, when another boy - lets call him Simon, for the simple reason that it's his name - asked me what i ahd got, I told him, he then plastered on a smug smile and said well I got an A*.

What I said: Piss off.

What I SHOULD have said: Piss off you smug git.

on the stairs

L'esprit d'escalier

The French call it l'esprit d'escalier, "the wit of the staircase," those biting ripostes that are thought of just seconds too late, on the way out of the room-or even, to tell the truth, days later. It's happened to you: you've suddenly thought of just what would put your foe in his or her place, but past the time when the arrow could sting its victim. You've stewed in your own juice ever since, and the chance for singeing repartee is gone forever.

Or is it?

Dorothy Parker or Oscar Wilde may have had the rapier wit to tweak their tormentors on the spot, but for the rest of us, we offer the Internet's only L'esprit d'escalier web site!