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Here is one story retold, albeit with a pithier ending:

From Lex Black:

Foreign relations

What happened: My family and I were on this international cruise in the Caribbean. I was in the lounge with some friends, when these really cute British guys came up to us and strted talking. We started talking about impersonating each others accents, and when it came to me I did a line from Harry Potter. They thought I was good so I relaxed. It then came out that me and some of my friends from home had been Sorted into Harry Potter Houses. I was from Slytherin which is considered to be the evil one. The cutest of all of the British guys looked at me and smirked. "So you're an evil little bitch, huh?"

What I said: "Only once you get to know me."

What I SHOULD have said: "I am not a bitch. I am the bitch. And that's Ms. Bitch to you, Brit boy."

on the stairs

L'esprit d'escalier

The French call it l'esprit d'escalier, "the wit of the staircase," those biting ripostes that are thought of just seconds too late, on the way out of the room-or even, to tell the truth, days later. It's happened to you: you've suddenly thought of just what would put your foe in his or her place, but past the time when the arrow could sting its victim. You've stewed in your own juice ever since, and the chance for singeing repartee is gone forever.

Or is it?

Dorothy Parker or Oscar Wilde may have had the rapier wit to tweak their tormentors on the spot, but for the rest of us, we offer the Internet's only L'esprit d'escalier web site!