Go to What I SHOULD Have Said... main page
Here is one story retold, albeit with a pithier ending:
Causes Of Depression
What happened: I was in science class one day, when I made a simple, sarcastic remark. The teacher I had never really seemed to understand sarcasm, but I figured it would be fine to say. It wasn't. She flipped out on me, telling me that I was "the most negative teenager she had even seen, and it depressed her." And that I "might as well not talk anymore because she ins't going to be listening to me anymore."
What I said: "Uh... excuse me?"
What I SHOULD have said: Now, this teacher happened to always be wearing low jeans with brightly colored thongs. I had thought of this response at the time, but I figured it would be best not to say it. "Oh, I'm sorry, its just that seeing your bright pink thong everyday makes me thing suicidal thoughts. I'm usually fine."
The French call it l'esprit d'escalier, "the wit of the staircase," those biting ripostes that are thought of just seconds too late, on the way out of the room-or even, to tell the truth, days later. It's happened to you: you've suddenly thought of just what would put your foe in his or her place, but past the time when the arrow could sting its victim. You've stewed in your own juice ever since, and the chance for singeing repartee is gone forever.
Or is it?
Dorothy Parker or Oscar Wilde may have had the rapier wit to tweak their tormentors on the spot, but for the rest of us, we offer the Internet's only L'esprit d'escalier web site!