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Here is one story retold, albeit with a pithier ending:

From Alex:

If I was five...

What happened: So I was on this cruise in the bahamas a couple of months ago and I was so bored so I went to this stupid kids club thing and the ladie(we'll just call her ms. dumb blond.)in charge asked for all of the five year olds to stand to do an activeity or something and just for the fun of it I stood up and ms. dumb blond said " wait you're five?" in a totally returded way. Being 5' 7" Iwas amazed that she totally beleived when I(just for my amusment) enstated that I five.

What I said: No I'm 14.

What I SHOULD have said: If I was five my parents would be freaken skyscrapers, you dumba** returded b****!

on the stairs

L'esprit d'escalier

The French call it l'esprit d'escalier, "the wit of the staircase," those biting ripostes that are thought of just seconds too late, on the way out of the room-or even, to tell the truth, days later. It's happened to you: you've suddenly thought of just what would put your foe in his or her place, but past the time when the arrow could sting its victim. You've stewed in your own juice ever since, and the chance for singeing repartee is gone forever.

Or is it?

Dorothy Parker or Oscar Wilde may have had the rapier wit to tweak their tormentors on the spot, but for the rest of us, we offer the Internet's only L'esprit d'escalier web site!