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Here is one story retold, albeit with a pithier ending:

From Daytripper:

A strange trip to Amsterdam

What happened: I was in Amsterdam staying with a friend from High School that I hadn't really talked to in about three years. She was nice enough to let me crash at her place and show me around the city on a student's budget. She, a friend of hers, and I decided to take advantage of the legality of magic mushrooms in Holland. Since I hadn't really eaten all day I had a strong crazy trip, and I also got really hungry half way through. We were at her friends' place and I asked him if it was okay if I cooked some food. He said, "sure feel free." That was a total lie, as it became obvious to me that he was uncomfortable with me being in his kitchen. I was getting really annerved because of his constant interference in my cooking and was getting visibly angry. I had a knife in my hand (cooking) and because I was obviously angry he told me in a very scared voice, "do you really need to use that knife to cook?"

What I said: I couldn't help but burst out, "even if I wanted to do cut you with this knife, I wouldn't be able to it's so dull."

What I SHOULD have said: Something less threatening that would have diffused the situation.

on the stairs

L'esprit d'escalier

The French call it l'esprit d'escalier, "the wit of the staircase," those biting ripostes that are thought of just seconds too late, on the way out of the room-or even, to tell the truth, days later. It's happened to you: you've suddenly thought of just what would put your foe in his or her place, but past the time when the arrow could sting its victim. You've stewed in your own juice ever since, and the chance for singeing repartee is gone forever.

Or is it?

Dorothy Parker or Oscar Wilde may have had the rapier wit to tweak their tormentors on the spot, but for the rest of us, we offer the Internet's only L'esprit d'escalier web site!