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Here is one story retold, albeit with a pithier ending:

From George:

Jerk Store

What happened: I was trying to enjoy some shrimp hors d'oeuvres when some prick comes up to me and says, "Hey, George, the ocean called. They're running out of shrimp!" Everybody exploded into laughter.

What I said: Nothing. I was completely taken aback.

What I SHOULD have said: "Yeah? Well the jerk store called; they're running out of you!"

on the stairs

L'esprit d'escalier

The French call it l'esprit d'escalier, "the wit of the staircase," those biting ripostes that are thought of just seconds too late, on the way out of the room-or even, to tell the truth, days later. It's happened to you: you've suddenly thought of just what would put your foe in his or her place, but past the time when the arrow could sting its victim. You've stewed in your own juice ever since, and the chance for singeing repartee is gone forever.

Or is it?

Dorothy Parker or Oscar Wilde may have had the rapier wit to tweak their tormentors on the spot, but for the rest of us, we offer the Internet's only L'esprit d'escalier web site!