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Here is one story retold, albeit with a pithier ending:

From uh:

Cinema Crazy!!

What happened: We were at the cinema, and there were only about 15 ppl there, two pratts came in late and were tlkin to the people behind when one of the two said hey u up there [ we were in a row behind ]. 'Is there any one up there sue? [even though there wasnt] hi sue'

What I said: nothing lawl

What I SHOULD have said: What shud have SHOUTED :P : 'No but my name is Shut the F*ck up!' If only... but i may have gotten kicked out , or kicked in lol...

on the stairs

L'esprit d'escalier

The French call it l'esprit d'escalier, "the wit of the staircase," those biting ripostes that are thought of just seconds too late, on the way out of the room-or even, to tell the truth, days later. It's happened to you: you've suddenly thought of just what would put your foe in his or her place, but past the time when the arrow could sting its victim. You've stewed in your own juice ever since, and the chance for singeing repartee is gone forever.

Or is it?

Dorothy Parker or Oscar Wilde may have had the rapier wit to tweak their tormentors on the spot, but for the rest of us, we offer the Internet's only L'esprit d'escalier web site!